a draft from this summer...
I've recently run into a bit of bad luck financially...and by bad luck I mean extremely bad planning. what's new? c'est la vie? I'll stick with that. This summer certainly has been filled with its ups and downs, ins and outs, etc. Some days I feel incredible other days I feel as though I feel as anxious as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I really ought to see someone for this anxiety I think, sometimes its pretty potent. Unfortunately, however, I am no longer covered under my mom's insurance..so therapy will have to wait until the fall; I should have done something sooner..god damn hindsight!
I went to Colorado last week with a new friend of mine, annie. It was exhilerating to have done something so spontaneous..she asked me to go and I accepted. This summer is truly shaping up to be one of leisure and ambivalence. again..c'est la vie...well its my vie anyway. she and I went on a great hike in the mountains (we were staying in boulder)
my first week of graduate school seems very similar to my first week of my undergraduate degree...except sans proximity confusion. I can honestly say that I feel remarkably motivated. This is, thank god, a sharp contrast with the general mood of this past summer season. I'm so glad to be working toward something again. I guess if you give me an inch..I'll swim all over you. I am retaking a couple of classes that I had taken in my undergraduate degree, I didn't do so hot on the diagnostic exam. I did fairly well on the history component; however, with the more technical aspects I apparently needed to have a refresher..a year long one. As easy it would be to become defensive...I guess I'm a tit embarrased
much more recently...
Well it is a happy Saturday indeed! School is...going..I can't shake the feeling that I'm the worst graduate student ever..I'm late, I don't always shower..sometimes I skip brushing my teeth in the morning because I'm running late..these things are definitely a newer development, normally my day could not have possibly begun without a shower and at least a 15 minute deliberation on the topic of attire. However...graduate school really isn't such a terribly difficult step, in fact I've found that I'm considerably less stressed and most certainly less time consuming (as far as class schedules go). I had a bit of a rough start, there was a part of me that was valiantly resisting the reality of school..staying up all hours, sluffing-off homework a bit..not really practicing..things of that nature..hence the "worst grad student" feelings. Fortunately, I've begun to catch a good stride, and it's about time..now that school has been in session for the better part of a month...yikes! Tyler and I are forging quite the friendship, he inspires me in a very unique way; and he is complimentary in an entirely unsolicited and genuine way..always. This is a strange experience for me, I suppose it would be the cliche self-rightous assertion that I don't need compliments..but damn they feel good! I will say that there seems to be a noticeable shift (in more ways than one...) in the amount of time I spend within my circle of friends. Not necessarily any additions..just a redistribution of time spent with current friends, and I'm glad to make the change. Discovering things with newly intimate friends is exhilerating